Dear Amy: I'm a 28-year-old mother of two young kids under the age of six.
My spouse is not working. I work full time and support our household while he goes to school. He will finish school by the end of next month and hopefully will get a stable job.
I recently caught him sending messages through Facebook to an ex-coworker, asking when they could "kick it." (She never responded).
He's had a tendency in the past to search for exes on social media, and that makes me feel betrayed and very insecure.
I confronted him, and as usual, he denies it and pretends to be the victim.
I can easily afford to move out, but it breaks my heart to separate my kids from their father (they really love him and are very attached to him). Plus, I am worried that if I leave him now he will stop pursuing his career and will drop out of school and not complete his last month to graduation, since he will have to work to pay the bills.
I just don't know what to do. I know this is not the way I want to live my life. I love him, but it makes me wonder if he will ever stop?
-- Broken Trust
Dear Broken Trust: You sound ready to walk out the door over this, but I think you are overreacting. Leaving your marriage is not something to do when you're upset or disappointed. Ending the marriage with your husband would profoundly affect four lives -- and would have the largest impact on your children.
Social media has made it very easy (and tempting) to basically go shopping for company, especially when you're bored, stressed, or overwhelmed. Rather than deny this, your husband needs to own up to his behavior, apologize to you, and assure you that he wants to be faithfully married. He also needs to understand that this behavior is upsetting, disappointing, disrespectful, and embarrassing (to both of you).
Working this through, honestly, will be best for everyone. Confronting your marital problems is a process you will both have to master.
__________________
LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
OK - so no evidence he has actually cheated, just some reach outs to people on Facebook. He sounds like a lose, but she did pick him to have kids with so she needs to deal with this like an adult.
First - he's almost done with school. Get that done, and have him get a job. Then, if you find he really was cheating, you can leave him, and he'll have the wherewithal to pay child support.
__________________
LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
