DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Mark," and I have been dating for three months but have been friends for about eight years. Neither of us have it together (career-wise) at the moment. Mark is two years older than me.
For some reason, he's hesitant about getting his driver's license. When I brought it up when he was a senior in high school -- we were just friends then -- he said he was going to get it before graduation. That was seven years ago. Now he's my boyfriend, and I feel weird picking him up and dropping him off.
His excuse is he wants to perfect parallel parking. When I got my driver's license, I did just OK with parallel parking, but I passed the driving test. How do I approach him about getting his driver's license? -- GETTING NOWHERE IN GEORGIA
DEAR GETTING NOWHERE: For whatever reason, I suspect that Mark hasn't been completely honest about why he hasn't gotten his driver's license. Approach him directly, and tell him you are uncomfortable providing all the transportation. And if his excuse is he wants to perfect his parallel parking, suggest he take a driver's education course.
Really? I couldn't wait. I had a car at 15 and a driver's permit at that age. Took my driver's test on my 16th birthday. Played hooky from school to do it. Dad took me. I can parallel park better than DH. When you grew up cruising Hollywood Blvd. you learned real fast.
I have no advice for this girl except to get her education, establish a career, then worry about settling down. In the meantime, she'll be too busy to chauffeur him around and he can either call Uber or get a license.
Ditch the loser now!! It’s not an accident that he is so ill prepared to live his life. It is very unlikely he will get his act together.
It's funny and morbid at the same time. A friend of mine with a long time BF (12 years) has told me of BF's son. He won't get his license, living in the 3 family house BF owns paying next to nothing for rent. Recently married an illegal,, she came here on a work visa which coincidentally expired a month before she drove him to the town hall to be married.
BF is in stage 4, about 8 months left to his life. Lazy son still doesn't work FT and will likely burn through the inheritance in less than 2 years with the help of illegal wife.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
In high school, it very well could have been his parents not letting him get his license.
7 years later, he still doesn't have them because he hasn't had the need to have them.
Caitlyn has a friend who only recently got her license. She's nearly 28 with a kid and never needed to drive because anytime she wanted to go anywhere, someone would take her.
People like that use up my patience too quickly.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
I understand the boyfriend's position. I had no desire to get my license. I took driver's ed - both classroom and behind the wheel - when I was 16. Passed the classroom portion easily. Hated the behind the wheel portion. The only reason I got my permit is because CA had a stupid law at the time that would've made it difficult to get my license if I didn't get my permit before turning 18. I got my permit at 17.5. I got my license a few days after my 18th birthday just so I could avoid dealing with the rules for having a provisional license.
I didn't avoid driving because I was a loser, failing to launch, or any other reason presented in this thread. I avoided it because I didn't like it and wasn't comfortable behind the wheel. I'm 34 and still hate driving. I'm good at it. I just hate it. It's not a joy for me. I especially hate having to watch out for all the boneheads on the road. I can parallel park and am reasonably good at it but avoid doing so because apparently the appropriate signal and my pulling up in preparation to parallel park on a street that only has parallel parking isn't a clue that I'm parallel parking. Experiencing very close calls because of boneheaded drivers like I did this past Sunday doesn't make me eager to drive either. Some people wish for extra money so they can hire a maid, take more vacations, whatever. I'd like extra money so I can hire an on-call chauffeur. I'd keep my license for ID purposes and just in case I needed it but I'd be content never driving again.
That's understandable. However, I would not want my daughter dating a male who seems unable to conquer a fear of driving. i think that is a huge life disadvantage.
I didn't get my D.L. till 18. I just wasn't ready and my parents didn't rush me. Maybe the LW has a medical issue that doesn't allow him to get a license and doesn't feel comfortable sharing it with others.
My BFF didn't get her license until she was 60!
Yes, 60. Living in NYC, she had no need of a
car or a license because of the availability of
excellent public transportation. Once she moved
to suburbia, she took private driving lessons, and
got her license on the first try.
Seven years out of HS, and he still doesn't "have
it together" career wise? Doesn't sound like he
wants to do anything with his life. And why should
he? He's got a private chauffeur on call - better
than Uber!
I work with a guy who doesn't drive, he's almost thirty. He works hard, doesn't seem like a loser, real nice guy. I asked him about it once and he didn't want to talk about it. I suspect there was something traumatic that happened.
-- Edited by Vette on Wednesday 22nd of November 2017 04:40:51 PM
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Was it a bad day?
Or was it a bad five minutes that you milked all day?
I couldn't wait to get my license, either. On my 16th birthday I went down, paid 50 cents and got the license. NO driver's ed; no driving exam. Ah, the good old days. I am amazed more people did not get killed due to the poor driving habits of us all...
I couldn't wait to get my license, either. On my 16th birthday I went down, paid 50 cents and got the license. NO driver's ed; no driving exam. Ah, the good old days. I am amazed more people did not get killed due to the poor driving habits of us all...
Show off.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
Went for my driving test at 16 + 1 day. Examiner was a testy old grump, who was well known for flunking ALL girls. I used my parents' 1946 Cadillac Fleetwood 60 Special Brougham - huge, built like a Sherman tank.
Examiner told me to find a space and parallel park. Up the street, a VW Beetle just pulled out of a space, and he said "park there".
OK. I pulled up next to the front car, put my car in reverse, and maneuvered back, to within 1" of the rear car. Turned the wheel, drove forward to within 1" of the front car, and put it in park - 2" away from the curb.
Examiner turned to me and said "How the hell did you do that?" I smiled at him and said "I practiced. I'm good."
I got my license that day. I've been driving 56 years, had one ticket (well deserved), and been in one accident (the other driver was taken away in handcuffs).
-- Edited by Momala on Thursday 23rd of November 2017 12:06:34 AM
It's one thing to not get a license if you live somewhere with good transportation options. It's quite another to constantly need someone else to take you places. And what if there was an emergency.
Sorry - unless he's got some horribly traumatic accident lurking in his past that caused death and destruction, it's time he grew up. Sometimes, we just have to do what we have to do, regardless of whether we "like" it.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Oh, Momala, I remember those tanks disguised as Cadillac Fleetwoods. Sounds like you did an awesome job controlling it. Since it was a Cadillac I am guessing it might have had power steering in it, although most other cars did not even have the option then... Helps a lot, but still, manuevering it into parallel parking.... Wow...
I loved my parents Cadillac. 76 Fleetwood tail fins and all.
If I ever were to get a luxury car, I'd be a Caddie.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
It's one thing to not get a license if you live somewhere with good transportation options. It's quite another to constantly need someone else to take you places. And what if there was an emergency.
Sorry - unless he's got some horribly traumatic accident lurking in his past that caused death and destruction, it's time he grew up. Sometimes, we just have to do what we have to do, regardless of whether we "like" it.
I remember once my father let me try to drive his 1967 Camaro and pull it into the garage. He was standing outside yelling at me to turn the steering wheel. I had been driving my mom's Ford Torino which had power steering so when I turned the Camaro wheel I did it like I would the Torino. I needed to really crank the wheel but did not understand. He finally told me to stop the car and get out. He was furious that I was not following his direction. LOL
I remember once my father let me try to drive his 1967 Camaro and pull it into the garage. He was standing outside yelling at me to turn the steering wheel. I had been driving my mom's Ford Torino which had power steering so when I turned the Camaro wheel I did it like I would the Torino. I needed to really crank the wheel but did not understand. He finally told me to stop the car and get out. He was furious that I was not following his direction. LOL
I was taught to drive on a '63 bug, standard of course. Dad yelled at me the entire time and I cried the entire time. But I can drive a manual transmission!
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
I remember once my father let me try to drive his 1967 Camaro and pull it into the garage. He was standing outside yelling at me to turn the steering wheel. I had been driving my mom's Ford Torino which had power steering so when I turned the Camaro wheel I did it like I would the Torino. I needed to really crank the wheel but did not understand. He finally told me to stop the car and get out. He was furious that I was not following his direction. LOL
I was taught to drive on a '63 bug, standard of course. Dad yelled at me the entire time and I cried the entire time. But I can drive a manual transmission!
I owned a 63 bug.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
The purpose of dating is to find someone is mentally healthy that you can join your life with. So, if he already has a lot of issues, then i would tell my daughter that this not be a wise match. Doesn't mean he isn't a nice person or any of that. But, if you are looking for a life partner, you need someone who can pull their own weight in life.
The purpose of dating is to find someone is mentally healthy that you can join your life with. So, if he already has a lot of issues, then i would tell my daughter that this not be a wise match. Doesn't mean he isn't a nice person or any of that. But, if you are looking for a life partner, you need someone who can pull their own weight in life.
Yep. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a man to be able to keep a job, pay his bills, kill all the bugs and spiders, and know how to work a drill. And he should be able to drive, balance a checkbook, ride a bike, swim, and boil water. Life skills, people - they are important.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
Cadillac. 76 Fleetwood tail fins and all.
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loved those cars but had a real passion for the '72 or '73 Eldo convertibles--the rolling definition of land yachts--had a '73 Buick Centurion convertible that was the largest american car have ever owned--literally, a living room on wheels--cruising with the top down at night, doing about 85 or so was just incredible
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" the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. "--edmund burke
Yeah before I met DH I had decided I was done with losers. A car was a must have. Amoung other things. It’s amazing how many so called adults suck at life😀
I remember once my father let me try to drive his 1967 Camaro and pull it into the garage. He was standing outside yelling at me to turn the steering wheel. I had been driving my mom's Ford Torino which had power steering so when I turned the Camaro wheel I did it like I would the Torino. I needed to really crank the wheel but did not understand. He finally told me to stop the car and get out. He was furious that I was not following his direction. LOL
I was taught to drive on a '63 bug, standard of course. Dad yelled at me the entire time and I cried the entire time. But I can drive a manual transmission!
I owned a 63 bug.
Oh the stories I could tell about me and 5 friends in my bug. At the age of 16, we were small enough to all fit. Fun times, fun times.
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Sometimes you're the windshield, and sometimes you're the bug.
