TOTALLY GEEKED!

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

42 Million Babies Born to Unmarried Mothers in U.S. Over Last Three Decades

Forever Sunshine · Guru

I beg to differ that single moms can't do what two can do. Is it harder? Abso****inlutely! But it certainly can be done. Clearly lily has done it. I have done it. Many have done it. It's absolutely unfair to marginalize and stereotype single mothers like that.

-- Edited by Forever Sunshine on Sunday 25th of February 2018 11:55:12 PM

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Forever Sunshine wrote:
I beg to differ that single moms can't do what two can do. Is it harder? Abso****inlutely! But it certainly can be done. Clearly lily has done it. I have done it. Many have done it. It's absolutely unfair to marginalize and stereotype single mothers like that.

-- Edited by Forever Sunshine on Sunday 25th of February 2018 11:55:12 PM

No, you, nor anyone else, has done what 2 people can do. That is a not a possibility in reality. Can you do a really good job and more than you have to? Yes? It is not a stereotype or marginalization - it's a fact of reality.

This is the reason it's so difficult to get anything done to fix the issues in our society. People get butthurt over facts instead of discussing them like the real issues they are.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

lilyofcourse wrote:
Well. When it has to be done. It has to be done.

And I believe the attitude of single mom's can't raise good kids into good adults is why single mom's and their kids still deal with side eyes and those who are married trying to make them feel less than.

I absolutely did not say single moms can't raise good kids.

But you are ignoring the FACTS that 90% of young people in prison are raised in single parent homes and are more likely to become addicted to drugs or drop out of school.

That does not mean a single parent can't raise good kids - but stop ignoring the facts. Good grief. Stop taking everything so personally - this is why the problem just keeps getting worse. No one wants to face the facts and just keeps lying to themselves to make themselves feel better.

Are you seriously going to sit there and tell me your kids would not have been better off if their father wasn't a complete sh!t and instead was a good husband and father and raised them like a good father should? That you wouldn't have been better off if he wasn't a lying, cheating POS and had supported you as a wife and mother? Really?

Forever Sunshine · Guru

OK let's dissect that 90% (although I think that percentage is a bit high) and see where they're from, ethnic background, etc.

And for the record, I'm not the slightest bit butthurt and not against discussing the "real issue" at all. So, there's that. ;)

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Statistics

63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes (US Dept. Of Health/Census) – 5 times the average.

90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes – 32 times the average.

85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average. (Center for Disease Control)

80% of rapists with anger problems come from fatherless homes –14 times the average. (Justice & Behavior, Vol 14, p. 403-26)

71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average. (National Principals Association Report)

Father Factor in Education – Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school.

Children with Fathers who are involved are 40% less likely to repeat a grade in school.

Children with Fathers who are involved are 70% less likely to drop out of school.

Children with Fathers who are involved are more likely to get A’s in school.

Children with Fathers who are involved are more likely to enjoy school and engage in extracurricular activities.

75% of all adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes – 10 times the average.

Father Factor in Drug and Alcohol Abuse – Researchers at Columbia University found that children living in two-parent household with a poor relationship with their father are 68% more likely to smoke, drink, or use drugs compared to all teens in two-parent households. Teens in single mother households are at a 30% higher risk than those in two-parent households.

70% of youths in state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes – 9 times the average. (U.S. Dept. of Justice, Sept. 1988)

85% of all youths in prison come from fatherless homes – 20 times the average. (Fulton Co. Georgia, Texas Dept. of Correction)

Father Factor in Incarceration – Even after controlling for income, youths in father-absent households still had significantly higher odds of incarceration than those in mother-father families. Youths who never had a father in the household experienced the highest odds. A 2002 Department of Justice survey of 7,000 inmates revealed that 39% of jail inmates lived in mother-only households. Approximately forty-six percent of jail inmates in 2002 had a previously incarcerated family member. One-fifth experienced a father in prison or jail.

Father Factor in Crime – A study of 109 juvenile offenders indicated that family structure significantly predicts delinquency. Adolescents, particularly boys, in single-parent families were at higher risk of status, property and person delinquencies. Moreover, students attending schools with a high proportion of children of single parents are also at risk. A study of 13,986 women in prison showed that more than half grew up without their father. Forty-two percent grew up in a single-mother household and sixteen percent lived with neither parent

Father Factor in Child Abuse – Compared to living with both parents, living in a single-parent home doubles the risk that a child will suffer physical, emotional, or educational neglect. The overall rate of child abuse and neglect in single-parent households is 27.3 children per 1,000, whereas the rate of overall maltreatment in two-parent households is 15.5 per 1,000.

Daughters of single parents without a Father involved are 53% more likely to marry as teenagers, 711% more likely to have children as teenagers, 164% more likely to have a pre-marital birth and 92% more likely to get divorced themselves.

Adolescent girls raised in a 2 parent home with involved Fathers are significantly less likely to be sexually active than girls raised without involved Fathers.

43% of US children live without their father [US Department of Census]

90% of homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]

80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes. [Criminal Justice & Behaviour, Vol 14, pp. 403-26, 1978]

71% of pregnant teenagers lack a father. [U.S. Department of Health and Human Services press release, Friday, March 26, 1999]

63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. [US D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census]

85% of children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes. [Center for Disease Control]

90% of adolescent repeat arsonists live with only their mother. [Wray Herbert, “Dousing the Kindlers,” Psychology Today, January, 1985, p. 28]

71% of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. [National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools]

75% of adolescent patients in chemical abuse centers come from fatherless homes. [Rainbows f for all God’s Children]

70% of juveniles in state operated institutions have no father. [US Department of Justice, Special Report, Sept. 1988]

85% of youths in prisons grew up in a fatherless home. [Fulton County Georgia jail populations, Texas Department of Corrections, 1992]

Fatherless boys and girls are: twice as likely to drop out of high school; twice as likely to end up in jail; four times more likely to need help for emotional or behavioral problems. [US D.H.H.S. news release, March 26, 1999]

Census Fatherhood Statistics

64.3 million: Estimated number of fathers across the nation
26.5 million: Number of fathers who are part of married-couple families with their own children under the age of 18.
Among these fathers –
- 22 percent are raising three or more of their own children under 18 years old (among married-couple family households only).
- 2 percent live in the home of a relative or a non-relative.
2.5 million: Number of single fathers, up from 400,000 in 1970. Currently, among single parents living with their children, 18 percent are men.
Among these fathers –
- 8 percent are raising three or more of their own children under 18 years old.
- 42 percent are divorced, 38 percent have never married, 16 percent are separated and 4 percent are widowed. (The percentages of those divorced and never married are not significantly different from one another.)
- 16 percent live in the home of a relative or a non-relative.
- 27 percent have an annual family income of $50,000 or more.
85 percent: Among the 30.2 million fathers living with children younger than 18, the percentage who lived with their biological children only.
- 11 percent lived with step-children
- 4 percent with adopted children
- < 1 percent with foster children
Recent policies encourage the development of programs designed to improve the economic status of low-income nonresident fathers and the financial and emotional support provided to their children. This brief provides ten key lessons from several important early responsible fatherhood initiatives that were developed and implemented during the 1990s and early 2000s. Formal evaluations of these earlier fatherhood efforts have been completed making this an opportune time to step back and assess what has been learned and how to build on the early programs’ successes and challenges.Whilethe following statistics are formidable, the Responsible Fatherhood research literature generally supports the claim that a loving and nurturing father improves outcomes for children, families and communities.
Children with involved, loving fathers are significantly more likely to do well in school, have healthy self-esteem, exhibit empathy and pro-social behavior, and avoid high-risk behaviors such as drug use, truancy, and criminal activity compared to children who have uninvolved fathers.
Studies on parent-child relationships and child wellbeing show that father love is an important factor in predicting the social, emotional, and cognitive development and functioning of children and young adults.
24 million children (34 percent) live absent their biological father.
Nearly 20 million children (27 percent) live in single-parent homes.
43 percent of first marriages dissolve within fifteen years; about 60 percent of divorcing couples have children; and approximately one million children each year experience the divorce of their parents.
Fathers who live with their children are more likely to have a close, enduring relationship with their children than those who do not.
Compared to children born within marriage, children born to cohabiting parents are three times as likely to experience father absence, and children born to unmarried, non-cohabiting parents are four times as likely to live in a father-absent home.
About 40 percent of children in father-absent homes have not seen their father at all during the past year; 26 percent of absent fathers live in a different state than their children; and 50 percent of children living absent their father have never set foot in their father’s home.
Children who live absent their biological fathers are, on average, at least two to three times more likely to be poor, to use drugs, to experience educational, health, emotional and behavioral problems, to be victims of child abuse, and to engage in criminal behavior than their peers who live with their married, biological (or adoptive) parents.
From 1995 to 2000, the proportion of children living in single-parent homes slightly declined, while the proportion of children living with two married parents remained stable.

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Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

OK - it's more like 85%, depending on the study. Still a crazy percentage.

Let's look at it a different way. A single mother doing it all teaches her children that a single woman can do it all. So a girl learns that she doesn't need a man to be a parent, and a boy learns that he's not needed to be there as a father. His mom was a single mother, why can't his girlfriend be? And a girl knows her mother did it, so why can't she?

I mean, I was raised by a single mother. I long thought I'd just have kids if I wanted, and why did I even have to tell the guy? He'd just get in the way. Luckily, I grew up before I had kids and came to my senses.

Society has a serious contradiction going - men have rights as fathers, but we don't really need them. Women used to be single mothers because of divorce, widowhood, etc. Now, so many young women are becoming single mothers by choice or recklessness. That's not ok - and we need to teach them that. It does a disservice to them and to their children.

It's not BETTER to be a single parent - society shouldn't be pushing that. And single moms need to admit and teach their children how hard it is.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Forever Sunshine wrote:
OK let's dissect that 90% (although I think that percentage is a bit high) and see where they're from, ethnic background, etc.

And for the record, I'm not the slightest bit butthurt and not against discussing the "real issue" at all. So, there's that. ;)

What does ethnic background have to do with it? They are all part of our society.

Forever Sunshine · Guru

Lawyerlady wrote:
Forever Sunshine wrote:
OK let's dissect that 90% (although I think that percentage is a bit high) and see where they're from, ethnic background, etc.

And for the record, I'm not the slightest bit butthurt and not against discussing the "real issue" at all. So, there's that. ;)
What does ethnic background have to do with it? They are all part of our society.

Tell that to the government and the ones keeping the statistics! Don't avoid the question.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Forever Sunshine wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
Forever Sunshine wrote:
OK let's dissect that 90% (although I think that percentage is a bit high) and see where they're from, ethnic background, etc.

And for the record, I'm not the slightest bit butthurt and not against discussing the "real issue" at all. So, there's that. ;)
What does ethnic background have to do with it? They are all part of our society.
Tell that to the government and the ones keeping the statistics! Don't avoid the question.

I'm not avoiding it - just trying to figure out your point. What does ethnicity have to do with it? A fatherless home is a fatherless home, whether white or black. Prisons are filled with fatherless black youth and white youth. Black youth without fathers are much more likely to end up in gangs - which means prison or death eventually.

And hey - know what pretty much every school shooter has in common? They are white males from fatherless homes.

Lindley · Guru

I agree with you LL, Majority of the kids in my town and the surrounding area who has deep emotional issues has no father or male role model in their life, my good friend who was a high school teacher was disturbed about how confused her students were about what is a normal family. Her female students telling
Her that their mothers were encouraging them to get pregnant so they would never have to work. She didn’t really believe them till a mother told her that she wanted her daughter to get pregnant so she wouldn’t have to work.

I don’t think all single mothers are like that and because of events that happened like death of a spouse, a unwanted divorce or a abusive husband and even a oops a woman who has a solid moral compass can raise a great kid but having baby daddies and glorifying single motherhood and saying a child doesn’t need a father is incorrect.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Lindley wrote:
I agree with you LL, Majority of the kids in my town and the surrounding area who has deep emotional issues has no father or male role model in their life, my good friend who was a high school teacher was disturbed about how confused her students were about what is a normal family. Her female students telling
Her that their mothers were encouraging them to get pregnant so they would never have to work. She didn’t really believe them till a mother told her that she wanted her daughter to get pregnant so she wouldn’t have to work.

I don’t think all single mothers are like that and because of events that happened like death of a spouse, a unwanted divorce or a abusive husband and even a oops a woman who has a solid moral compass can raise a great kid but having baby daddies and glorifying single motherhood and saying a child doesn’t need a father is incorrect.

Exactly. It's HARD. And many women forced into it manage to do it successfully, but you can't tell me it's the better option to having two good parents. Spreading that lie just encourages just women to do it on purpose.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Lawyerlady wrote:
Lindley wrote:
I agree with you LL, Majority of the kids in my town and the surrounding area who has deep emotional issues has no father or male role model in their life, my good friend who was a high school teacher was disturbed about how confused her students were about what is a normal family. Her female students telling
Her that their mothers were encouraging them to get pregnant so they would never have to work. She didn’t really believe them till a mother told her that she wanted her daughter to get pregnant so she wouldn’t have to work.

I don’t think all single mothers are like that and because of events that happened like death of a spouse, a unwanted divorce or a abusive husband and even a oops a woman who has a solid moral compass can raise a great kid but having baby daddies and glorifying single motherhood and saying a child doesn’t need a father is incorrect.
Exactly. It's HARD. And many women forced into it manage to do it successfully, but you can't tell me it's the better option to having two good parents. Spreading that lie just encourages just women to do it on purpose.

So true. And not only is it not a better option for kids, it's not a better option for the parents. The parent hardly gets a break, it is very tiring.

Riding · Guru

Lawyerlady wr FNW wrote:

It can be done. Lily's living proof. However, it's hard work. Not all mothers are willing to put in the work of two parents, or have the support system that is needed.

And for some it is just so much of a struggle doing it alone. How can you be the parent that eats dinner with your kids every night and reads them stories, and helps them with their homework, and takes them to sports, when you are working your ass off just to feed them, keep them clothed and not live in a sty.

not wanting to be argumentative....but I DID this and was successful when my four kids dad left us after 16 years of marriage. We are friends now, but the husband/wife thing did not work for us for reasons that are our own. No abuse or addictions. I did it successfully and all my kids pitched in and then we were blessed to marry a wonderful man 3 years later and he stepped in and added so much to our lives....and then three years later was killed in a work vehicle accident. did our lives change?? yes but as I explained to a good friend life before him was like eating hot crispy fries, they are really good and filling and totally satisfying, then adding him was the ketchup on our fries, so yes when you take the ketchup our fires were different, not bad, just not as we loved them best. but we did ok, then 4 years after his death we were blessed with a wonderful man, I believe God is good and he was with us each step of our journey. I have been married to Paul for 10 years and together 1 year before that, I think to myself he is the ranch on our fries now I know at my age (56) should anything ever change and I lose Paul I would be content to live my life as it would be as I have had three very good men in my life (including my kids dad, we were just too young but he is a good guy)

did I ever plan to raise my kids alone???? NO, but did I do a damn good job of it, YES! they are all very successful in their lives all five of them (I was blessed to adopt Paul's 14yoa son upon his request after we got married) they are kids, well adults that I AM very proud of, and I love dearly and I like the people they have become.

Things that could have torn us apart, only pulled us closer together and made us closer and stronger. and all work and own their own homes, except for youngest, she is 20 and doing well.

so everyone is most certainly entitled to their own opinions and ways they handle their lives, but to me it is not all black and white, there are so many shades of gray.

thanks for listening and I am so glad to be a part of this group of wonderful people, and all of our similarities and differences are what makes the world work

-- Edited by Riding on Monday 5th of March 2018 11:53:19 AM

Lindley · Guru

I think it makes a big difference in what kind of single parent. There are ones who has become widowed/or spouse left them vs those who has a baby with more then one boyfriend, not working and continue in making poor choices and yes even selfishness.

TrudyML · Guru

Love Paul!

FNW · Guru

I love Ranch! I mean Paul!

Riding · Guru

LOL Paul was raised on and lived on a ranch his whole life

and to make clear I adopted my son Rusty upon his (Rusty's request) He has always been my child of my heart and I am so proud of the man he is today.

FNW · Guru

I want to visit your ranch some day!

TrudyML · Guru

I'll go with you, FNW

FNW · Guru

Fun time!

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

FNW wrote:
I love Ranch! I mean Paul!

I see what you did there. wink

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

FNW wrote:
I want to visit your ranch some day!

LOL I thought you meant ranch dressing...

Ohfour · Hooker

I was a single mom. Married exdh when DD was 4, expecting another baby.
We were married, but he was absent. TOTALLY. Never saw a recital, nor a baseball game, much less practices. He had a GF the ENTIRE TIME. I had no support at all.
I made it work. Mothers do that...