DEAR ABBY: I was working out of town in a position that paid a good salary. When my adult son proposed to his girlfriend, I told him I would try and give him $10,000 for the wedding. Well, things changed. I had to return home for good, and my salary was cut. When I told my son I wouldn't be able to give him $10,000, but could give him only $5,000 instead, he became very upset and said, "You promised that amount and we were counting on that money!"
I feel a gift is a gift, and they should be happy with whatever I can manage. After talking it over with several friends, they all agreed that he is behaving inappropriately. I am single and trying to retire in 10 years. Please help. -- SALARY CUT IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR SALARY CUT: Your son's reaction was immature. He should understand that sometimes circumstances can change. If you haven't already explained why you need to cut back on the sum you planned to give him, do it now. How he reacts to your explanation will tell you whether you want to give him even $5,000.
Life happens and people cannot always do what they promise. However, when did the LW pull the plug on the money? A year before the wedding or a day before when the everything was ordered and bills came due.
That's my thought, don't tell a number. As for the son in the OP, tell him he can give that back if he isn't happy with it. I mean you raised him, teach him a life lesson.
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
If she said she would "try" to give him $10,000, then he is definitely behaving badly. But if she actually promised him the money, and he has budgeted/ordered, etc. based on that, I can see why he is upset. She should not have told him he could have money she didn't actually have.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
If she said she would "try" to give him $10,000, then he is definitely behaving badly. But if she actually promised him the money, and he has budgeted/ordered, etc. based on that, I can see why he is upset. She should not have told him he could have money she didn't actually have.
I totally agree. Deposits may have been made, non-returnable items ordered. I would be rather upset too...
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
If you are going to give cash, i think you should just wait until you are going to give it in the amount you are going to give when you are ready for it to be cashed.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
But, it doesn't mention a wedding date. The adult son proposed, and the parent said they would gift 10K.
There might be plenty of time to scale things back, a bit.
We'll never know.
These letters never seem to give the whole story/enough information, to give an informed decision.
JMHO.
Right? Unlike my horrible ex mil that told me on Wednesday, before my wedding on Saturday that she hadn't ordered nor paid for my wedding cake that was supposed to be our gift from her. I lost it. I was sooo pissed. She ran into money trouble and was embarrassed, or so she said.
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America guarantees equal opportunity, not equal outcome...
My MIL used to be very vocal about all the things she would do with my DH's money. We learned not to talk about money in front of her. She was strange about his successes.
If someone is going to announce they are going to pay for something, then make sure you have the money set aside before you do. I mean, yeah life happens, but if you are promising an amount that might bankrupt you then maybe wait until you are actually going to hand someone a check before announcing the amount.
