A woman was left shocked and confused after she received an accidental text from her future mother-in-law after what she thought had been a successful day of wedding-dress shopping.
The bride-to-be took to Reddit to ask for advice, revealing, “My soon to be MIL is talking s*** about my mom and I’m not sure what to do.”
She and her college sweetheart had been together for 10 years when they decided to get married. In anticipation of the wedding, the woman explained, she invited her mom, a good friend, her soon-to-be mother-in-law, and her fiancé’s sister to go to look at wedding dresses.
“Overall we had a great day and I got the most amazing dress. My mom cried and my fiancé’s mom cried, it was special,” Reddit user Bamboo2u wrote.
At lunch, a discussion came up about the woman taking her husband’s surname after they’re married.
“My mom told everyone she suggested I keep my maiden name for work only, and take my fiancé’s name for personal life,” she said. “I want to keep my personal life private from my work life. And my fiancé’s mom agreed with my mom, because that is what she does for work too.”
But later that evening, she was left shocked after receiving a text from her mother-in-law, which she quickly realized had been sent to her by accident.
“I made the mistake of reading it in my car with my fiancé in the car. The text said the whole day was a s*** show and that my mom advised me to not take my fiancé’s name for career reasons,” she said.
“I’m so hurt and pissed that she would go around spreading lies about my mom. She knows that’s not what my mom said.”
After explaining the situation to her partner, he actually asked his mom to apologize — but apparently she refused to do so.
“I’m not sure what to do at this point. I saw my future mother-in-law the other day and she refused to look at me or even talk to me,” the woman wrote.
“What do I do from here? How to I get her to speak with me about what is going on without making the matter even worse?”
Many commenters were equally outraged by the text message, and said the bride should definitely confront her.
“If it was me then she’d be put on notice I expect a full written apology and if I ever hear her talking crap or stomping boundaries again she’ll be uninvited to whatever the next big event is,” was one person’s suggestion.
“I would confront her,” another said. “Ask her to detail why she thought it was a ‘s*** show’ and why she thinks its a problem that you will keep your name.”
Others also pointed out that the incident highlighted the kind of person she might be.
“She gave you valuable information about the kind of person she is. Believe her, and adjust your trust in her accordingly,” one person wrote.
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
She isn't marrying the MIL, and she can limit her contact with her.
As for the in laws and wedding planning, is that common now?
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A flock of flirting flamingos is pure, passionate, pink pandemonium-a frenetic flamingle-mangle-a discordant discotheque of delirious dancing, flamboyant feathers, and flamingo lingo.
So the MIL-to-be also keeps her maiden name for professional reasons and uses her husband's name for personal stuff? But, it's not okay for the bride-to-be to do so?
Clearly the MIL-to-be is embarrassed by the incident that she wouldn't even look at the bride-to-be but I would find a way to confront her and have a discussion as to why the double standard. The relationship is repairable to a point and for the sake of the marriage and future gatherings, it should be tried at least. I would be extremely hesitant, though, to trust her with any information of value or even around any future children should they be blessed with them.
If I were the bride I would be hurt. Very hurt. She has known this guy for 10 years, and presumably considered herself to be part of his family. So she included MIL in a special day. Only to learn she really isn't part of the family, and the MIL's niceties were fake. I know that hurt. I experienced it myself.
Hopefully this man is worth it, because holidays and get togethers are going to be difficult from here on out. And they will occur, unless her intended decides otherwise.
If I were the bride I would be hurt. Very hurt. She has known this guy for 10 years, and presumably considered herself to be part of his family. So she included MIL in a special day. Only to learn she really isn't part of the family, and the MIL's niceties were fake. I know that hurt. I experienced it myself.
Hopefully this man is worth it, because holidays and get togethers are going to be difficult from here on out. And they will occur, unless her intended decides otherwise.
I agree. She thought it was a lovely day of wedding stuff, and instead the MIL considered it a "**** - show". How horrible.
I'd still marry the guy but only with the understanding that special occasions were not going to be shared with MIL again. How could she not apologize?
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LawyerLady
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you.
I would not want to give a S/O an ultimatum for fear it would build resentment eventually. I never did that with DH. I told him he could visit his family as much and as often as he wished, I was just not going to allow myself or my children to be treated poorly and if that meant absence, so be it.
LL, it's been 5 years and we are still waiting for an apology. They justify their actions and mean words by deflection. I suspect that is what this MIL has done or will do as well. Neither the LW or I should hold our breaths.
