TOTALLY GEEKED!

Vette wrote:

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Pretty sure LL is doing just fine raising her children.

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 Thank you! 

Omg lily. Get off your high horse.

It isn't a high horse.

It's leading by example.

And protecting your kid from a broken agreement by lying when the truth is not some soul crushing reason?

I mean, the theatrics alone!

"The day is ruined"

"To spare her pain"

I mean really.

But whatever.

FNW wrote:

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I have learned by experience that I cannot rely on the child of a divorce to attend events, particularly if they occur on weekends. Usually the father gets the child on the weekend and the invitation, IF conveyed, ends up unanswered because he does not want to give up his day with his child, and understandably so.

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 Most family court systems encourage and even tell divorced parents that their children's schedule, including social activities, are priority.

FNW wrote:

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I have learned by experience that I cannot rely on the child of a divorce to attend events, particularly if they occur on weekends. Usually the father gets the child on the weekend and the invitation, IF conveyed, ends up unanswered because he does not want to give up his day with his child, and understandably so.

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 They are not divorced.  This is a family that is together all the time.  When we were in school together and did field trips, they would BOTH chaperone.  

Divine Geek wrote:

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Protecting your kid is unnecessary? I realize I'm not a parent, so I don't understand, but I kinda thought protecting your child is a pretty big part of being a mom.

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 Jojo does not make friends as easily as DD14 did.  She is already sensitive to that fact, so a child cancelling on her would have seriously hurt her.  

I see both sides. It really depends on the child.

For me, I wouldn't have lied to DS. I would've simply explained what happened and used it as a teaching moment. This is because I know my son and I know he that he would flat out ask said friend if they feel better now, what sickness they had, etc. So, for us, the truth is best. However, it also brings the opportunity for a lot of teaching moments. He's learned a lot about how to be a good human by experiencing these feelings when things happen to him. "It really hurt you when X cancelled, right? Think about how you felt. Do you think cancelling on Y is a good idea? How might Y feel if you cancel?"

DS is very much a learn by experiencing person. Anything I can relate to him and his world helps him learn how to interact with the world. He's the type that needs to touch the fire himself to learn it's hot. Gives me gray hair daily. He's the opposite of me. Tell me it hurts and I won't do it. Tell him it hurts and he'll take it as a challenge.

lilyofcourse wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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It isn't a high horse.

It's leading by example.

And protecting your kid from a broken agreement by lying when the truth is not some soul crushing reason?

I mean, the theatrics alone!

"The day is ruined"

"To spare her pain"

I mean really.

But whatever.

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 Really, because you seem to change your value system as you see fit when it comes to your own children, so be a hypocrite.  

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 Why am I not surprised by your responses? 

I never called you a name, only questioned your actions.

My values have not changed.

I never lied to my kids.

Still don't. 

But, go ahead, call names, make your accusations. 

I don't care. 

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 That is not true, I've watched it.  As your daughter has grown, you have grown much more liberal in your beliefs to justify supporting her choices.  

lilyofcourse wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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It isn't a high horse.

It's leading by example.

And protecting your kid from a broken agreement by lying when the truth is not some soul crushing reason?

I mean, the theatrics alone!

"The day is ruined"

"To spare her pain"

I mean really.

But whatever.

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 Really, because you seem to change your value system as you see fit when it comes to your own children, so be a hypocrite.  

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 Why am I not surprised by your responses? 

I never called you a name, only questioned your actions.

My values have not changed.

I never lied to my kids.

Still don't. 

But, go ahead, call names, make your accusations. 

I don't care. 

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 That is not true, I've watched it.  As your daughter has grown, you have grown much more liberal in your beliefs to justify supporting her choices.  

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 My values have not changed. 

What has changed is my understanding that once children become adults, the parent has very little control of the situations they put themselves in, and choices have to be made as to whether you want to be in their life or not.

Now that you've tried to turn this around and take the focus off your decision to lie, and your defending that decision, I guess you can go back into your black and white world.

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 I made the right choice in lying, and I do not have to defend it to you.  I would do it again.  I would not, however, support my children's choices that go against my beliefs because I fear they would exclude me from their life.  Children should be the ones in fear of disappointing their parents, not the only way around.   They know my feelings on certain subjects, including manners, rudeness, and the importance of thinking of others. 

And white lies to protect someone's feelings are not wrong and are not a sin.  It is when you lie to gain something, deceive someone for your own purposes, or to hurt someone that is wrong.  And IMO, lying to your kids about your acceptance of wrongful choices is much more harmful because you are allowing them to do the wrong thing and supporting it. 

I wish my former in-laws had taught my ex to use white lies. He was mean, all in the name of honesty.

FNW wrote:

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I wish my former in-laws had taught my ex to use white lies. He was mean, all in the name of honesty.

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 My pastor says that mean people's favorite excuse for being mean is "I'm just being honest."  Then he tells everyone not to be a jerk. 

"And white lies to protect someone's feelings are not wrong and are not a sin."

Well. This is absolutely wrong.

Lying, in any form, is a sin.

And sin is sin.

Show me anywhere in the Bible that it makes a distinction.

Lawyerlady wrote:

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Southern_Belle wrote:

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Oh good lord, she spared a little girl's feelings. She probably also lies about Santa, the Easter Bunny and the tooth fairy. Terrible parenting!

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 What are you trying to say about Santa????????

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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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Look, I asked how this could ruin your day.

I questioned why you felt lying was the right thing to do.

I pointed out that by lying, you have set a precedent in your home that lying is ok.

You called me a name, attemuted to cast shade on my adult children, and have completely ignored the teachings of God and the Bible.

If you don't feel the need to "defend" your actions, why are you?

And if you feel you did the right thing, why are you trying to convince me, or anyone else, that you did?

You don't owe an explanation. 

 

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 My last post on this. LL never called you a "name". In fact you said she was theatrical and full of drama.  Please just stop.  No need to point out to people how they raise your kids and how your's is a better way which is what you did.  

-- Edited by I know what to do_sometimes on Tuesday 8th of January 2019 08:39:24 PM

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 She called me a hypocrite and a liar.

What the hell? Guess break room stuff can be brought to the main board.

And, no, it isnt me being judgemental.

I asked some damn questions, said I disagree with the lying, and because I'm not rah rah go LL, I'm the problem?

I never said anything about being better, either.

 

 

-- Edited by Lawyerlady on Tuesday 8th of January 2019 09:39:07 PM

lilyofcourse wrote:

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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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Look, I asked how this could ruin your day.

I questioned why you felt lying was the right thing to do.

I pointed out that by lying, you have set a precedent in your home that lying is ok.

You called me a name, attemuted to cast shade on my adult children, and have completely ignored the teachings of God and the Bible.

If you don't feel the need to "defend" your actions, why are you?

And if you feel you did the right thing, why are you trying to convince me, or anyone else, that you did?

You don't owe an explanation. 

 

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 My last post on this. LL never called you a "name". In fact you said she was theatrical and full of drama.  Please just stop.  No need to point out to people how they raise your kids and how your's is a better way which is what you did.  

-- Edited by I know what to do_sometimes on Tuesday 8th of January 2019 08:39:24 PM

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 She called me a hypocrite and a liar.

What the hell? Guess break room stuff can be brought to the main board.

And, no, it isnt me being judgemental.

I asked some damn questions, said I disagree with the lying, and because I'm not rah rah go LL, I'm the problem?

I never said anything about being better, either.

 

 

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 Yes, you did.  But obviously, you cannot actually read what you write or comprehend what it comes across as.  

-- Edited by Lawyerlady on Tuesday 8th of January 2019 09:38:48 PM

Sorry. Sigh

Lawyerlady wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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I know what to do_sometimes wrote:

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lilyofcourse wrote:

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Look, I asked how this could ruin your day.

I questioned why you felt lying was the right thing to do.

I pointed out that by lying, you have set a precedent in your home that lying is ok.

You called me a name, attemuted to cast shade on my adult children, and have completely ignored the teachings of God and the Bible.

If you don't feel the need to "defend" your actions, why are you?

And if you feel you did the right thing, why are you trying to convince me, or anyone else, that you did?

You don't owe an explanation. 

 

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 My last post on this. LL never called you a "name". In fact you said she was theatrical and full of drama.  Please just stop.  No need to point out to people how they raise your kids and how your's is a better way which is what you did.  

-- Edited by I know what to do_sometimes on Tuesday 8th of January 2019 08:39:24 PM

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 She called me a hypocrite and a liar.

What the hell? Guess break room stuff can be brought to the main board.

And, no, it isnt me being judgemental.

I asked some damn questions, said I disagree with the lying, and because I'm not rah rah go LL, I'm the problem?

I never said anything about being better, either.

 

 

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 Yes, you did.  But obviously, you cannot actually read what you write or comprehend what it comes across as.  

-- Edited by Lawyerlady on Tuesday 8th of January 2019 09:38:48 PM

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 Show me where I called you a name.

Some other equal sins - divorce, fornication, sloth, anger, pride, and on and on.

The problem, Lily, is that this thread was about a child and her mother being inconsiderate and mean to my child, which you seem to think is just fine, and instead took the opportunity to call me out for trying to spare my child hurt feelings over it.

lilyofcourse wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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Some other equal sins - divorce, fornication, sloth, anger, pride, and on and on.

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 Yep. All sin.

 

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 And I don't agree with you that what I did is a sin.  Furthermore, bible scholars have been arguing this exact issue for centuries, so we can disagree on the matter as they have.  

lilyofcourse wrote:

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Lawyerlady wrote:

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The problem, Lily, is that this thread was about a child and her mother being inconsiderate and mean to my child, which you seem to think is just fine, and instead took the opportunity to call me out for trying to spare my child hurt feelings over it.

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 You said this ruined your day. Having to find another child to accompany you to an amusement park ruined your day?

A child wanted to be with her father and that's mean?

 

These two don't even see or speak to each other unless you arrange it, and, according to you, that's been a long time.

So a kid chose not to spend a day with a friend and her family that she has no contact with anymore and it ruined your day.

Then you lied to protect your kid from this obviously devastating turn of events.

It may have been inconsiderate, and inconvenient, but it ruined your day and required lies to spare feelings?

Ok. I'll drop it. 

Hope this is the worse life ever throws your way.

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 At the time I posted it, it had.  I hadn't found another child to go, yet, and my kid was going to be very upset.  So, yes, it did ruin my day to that point.  Who are you to say otherwise?  

You are not the judge of what hurts my child, or what upsets me. Those are OUR feelings and not up to you to tell me what is reasonable and what isn't.  She was very excited to see this child precisely because she hadn't seen her in a long time.  She used to play with her everyday, and hadn't in months.  But whatever, Lily.  Lord knows you know everything, including what should and should not upset my kid.