TOTALLY GEEKED!

ed11563 · Guru

Help! The Law Finally Allows Me to Marry My Boyfriend—but He Doesn’t Want To. Slate

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA.......

ed11563 · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA.......

LILY !!! We don't hear you laugh very often.

huskerbb · Guru

lilyofcourse wrote:
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA.......

My sentiments, exactly.

When it was convenient for them to lie about their "commitment" (something not available to hetero couples)--they had no trouble doing so. Now they got caught in their lie. Too damn funny.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Yeah, this is why the insurance laws are screwed up and people are using said laws to "keep" a BF or GF.

Dona Worry Be Happy · Vette's SS!!

Meh. I have heard of similar situations happening with hetero couples here. One want to get married to get on the SO's insurance, the other doesn't want to, etc. I think it is silly.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

And this is why insurance shouldn't cover live ins.

I know what to do_sometimes · Frozen Sucks!

Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:
Meh. I have heard of similar situations happening with hetero couples here. One want to get married to get on the SO's insurance, the other doesn't want to, etc. I think it is silly.

Right. The LW's situation is not one of being straight or gay, it's about being used for the insurance and allowing themselves to be used. I think people may realize that "little piece of paper" represents a whole lot more than they care to let on.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Getting married just for insurance probably isn't the best way to start a marriage.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:
Meh. I have heard of similar situations happening with hetero couples here. One want to get married to get on the SO's insurance, the other doesn't want to, etc. I think it is silly.
Right. The LW's situation is not one of being straight or gay, it's about being used for the insurance and allowing themselves to be used. I think people may realize that "little piece of paper" represents a whole lot more than they care to let on.

My thought exactly.

flan

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

flan327 wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:
Meh. I have heard of similar situations happening with hetero couples here. One want to get married to get on the SO's insurance, the other doesn't want to, etc. I think it is silly.
Right. The LW's situation is not one of being straight or gay, it's about being used for the insurance and allowing themselves to be used. I think people may realize that "little piece of paper" represents a whole lot more than they care to let on.
My thought exactly.
flan

Generally speaking. But hetero couples couldn't get insurance by filing the type of affidavit they did. Hetero couples would have actually had to have gotten married to get the insurance.

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Yup. We want MORE privileges, not equal. Uh huh. So, if marriage is legalized and they want bennies, then get married. It should be the same then now right?

Lady Gaga Snerd · Guru

Or, just go sign up for Obama Care. That has solved all of the problems in the world.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

I want equal rights!

It wont be what you think it is.

Don't tell me that. I want things to be fair.

Equal and fair are two different things.

Don't tell me that. I want equal rights.

Ok. here you go.

HEY! THIS ISNT FAIR!!!

-- Edited by lilyofcourse on Friday 31st of October 2014 09:01:04 AM

Squeakers · Regular

Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:
Meh. I have heard of similar situations happening with hetero couples here. One want to get married to get on the SO's insurance, the other doesn't want to, etc. I think it is silly.
Right. The LW's situation is not one of being straight or gay, it's about being used for the insurance and allowing themselves to be used. I think people may realize that "little piece of paper" represents a whole lot more than they care to let on.
My thought exactly.
flan
Generally speaking. But hetero couples couldn't get insurance by filing the type of affidavit they did. Hetero couples would have actually had to have gotten married to get the insurance.

They only had to use an affidavit because they didn't have the right to marry in their state. Now that they do, he will lose insurance now that they aren't married. If they get married for insurance they will be just like all the straight cpurples who marry for benefits.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

But the guy doesn't want to get married. He liked having the benefits when they were playing house. But now that it could become real, he don't want it.

He wants the benefits without the ties.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Squeakers wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
flan327 wrote:
I know what to do_sometimes wrote:
Dona Worry Be Happy wrote:
Meh. I have heard of similar situations happening with hetero couples here. One want to get married to get on the SO's insurance, the other doesn't want to, etc. I think it is silly.
Right. The LW's situation is not one of being straight or gay, it's about being used for the insurance and allowing themselves to be used. I think people may realize that "little piece of paper" represents a whole lot more than they care to let on.
My thought exactly.
flan
Generally speaking. But hetero couples couldn't get insurance by filing the type of affidavit they did. Hetero couples would have actually had to have gotten married to get the insurance.
They only had to use an affidavit because they didn't have the right to marry in their state. Now that they do, he will lose insurance now that they aren't married. If they get married for insurance they will be just like all the straight cpurples who marry for benefits.

But he doesn't want to get married. He had a nice benefit that hetero couples didn't. Benefits without marriage. There are tons of live-in hetero couples that did not have that benefit.

Now, he will be treated equally.

Squeakers · Regular

And now he is losing the benefit. Who here wanted special rights? At the time maybe he wanted to get married. Now he doesn't. Or maybe he is just nervous. No one in the letter is crying about him losing the benefits. If it was REALLY about the benefits for his boyfriend, they'd be married in a heart beat.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Squeakers wrote:
And now he is losing the benefit. Who here wanted special rights? At the time maybe he wanted to get married. Now he doesn't. Or maybe he is just nervous. No one in the letter is crying about him losing the benefits. If it was REALLY about the benefits for his boyfriend, they'd be married in a heart beat.

My bet is that the relationship will end now that he can't get the benefits for free.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Oh ok.

Yeah right.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Lawyerlady wrote:
Squeakers wrote:
And now he is losing the benefit. Who here wanted special rights? At the time maybe he wanted to get married. Now he doesn't. Or maybe he is just nervous. No one in the letter is crying about him losing the benefits. If it was REALLY about the benefits for his boyfriend, they'd be married in a heart beat.
My bet is that the relationship will end now that he can't get the benefits for free.

Me too.

Squeakers · Regular

If benefits were the main reason for the relationship don't you think he would have married him to keep said benefits?

No one here wanted special rights. This was the option forced on them because they were denied equal rights in the first place. Had gay marriage been legal, they never would have had the benefits without marriage.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

No. I don't.

Before he could play him along.

Now that marriage is a real possibility and it has real consequences he doesn't want it.

He wanted his cake and to eat it two. He wanted the best of both worlds without the commitment of marriage.

"Treat me equal! Unless it means I am treated equally..."

chillepeppa · Regular

lilyofcourse wrote:
No. I don't.

Before he could play him along.

Now that marriage is a real possibility and it has real consequences he doesn't want it.

He wanted his cake and to eat it two. He wanted the best of both worlds without the commitment of marriage.

"Treat me equal! Unless it means I am treated equally..."

All of this is a douche issue, not a gay issue.

This guy is a user. Users comes in all shapes and sizes and orientations...

Squeakers · Regular

Treat me equal! And until I win equality I will make do with what I have to do! Including affidavits. And when I have equality, I won't just jump into marriage for benefits like so many other people do!

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

chillepeppa wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
No. I don't.

Before he could play him along.

Now that marriage is a real possibility and it has real consequences he doesn't want it.

He wanted his cake and to eat it two. He wanted the best of both worlds without the commitment of marriage.

"Treat me equal! Unless it means I am treated equally..."
All of this is a douche issue, not a gay issue.
This guy is a user. Users comes in all shapes and sizes and orientations...

BINGO!!!

flan

Dona Worry Be Happy · Vette's SS!!

Squeakers wrote:
Treat me equal! And until I win equality I will make do with what I have to do! Including affidavits. And when I have equality, I won't just jump into marriage for benefits like so many other people do!

It sounds like the LW was under the impression that they would have been married already if it was legal, but his partner is not as commited as he is, and has been stringing him alone. We've all had an SO like this.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

chillepeppa wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
No. I don't.

Before he could play him along.

Now that marriage is a real possibility and it has real consequences he doesn't want it.

He wanted his cake and to eat it two. He wanted the best of both worlds without the commitment of marriage.

"Treat me equal! Unless it means I am treated equally..."
All of this is a douche issue, not a gay issue.
This guy is a user. Users comes in all shapes and sizes and orientations...

Yes, but the point is - if they hadn't had special allowances available, he wouldn't have been able to use him for this.

chillepeppa · Regular

Sure, but any user would use whatever circumstances to abuse people. This guy isn't a dick because he is gay, he is just a dick. I bet he would have been a dick no matter what his sexual orientation was. Specials treatment or not, to him it was just a tool.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

I agree chillepeppa

Squeakers · Regular

Lawyerlady wrote:
chillepeppa wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
No. I don't.

Before he could play him along.

Now that marriage is a real possibility and it has real consequences he doesn't want it.

He wanted his cake and to eat it two. He wanted the best of both worlds without the commitment of marriage.

"Treat me equal! Unless it means I am treated equally..."
All of this is a douche issue, not a gay issue.
This guy is a user. Users comes in all shapes and sizes and orientations...
Yes, but the point is - if they hadn't had special allowances available, he wouldn't have been able to use him for this.

They wouldn't have HAD special allowances if they had marriage equality.

Lawyerlady · On the bright side...... Christmas is coming! (Mod)

Squeakers wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
chillepeppa wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
No. I don't.

Before he could play him along.

Now that marriage is a real possibility and it has real consequences he doesn't want it.

He wanted his cake and to eat it two. He wanted the best of both worlds without the commitment of marriage.

"Treat me equal! Unless it means I am treated equally..."
All of this is a douche issue, not a gay issue.
This guy is a user. Users comes in all shapes and sizes and orientations...
Yes, but the point is - if they hadn't had special allowances available, he wouldn't have been able to use him for this.

They wouldn't have HAD special allowances if they had marriage equality.

He had equality. And he had special privileges. He had both. What he wanted more new rights.

And rights people were not even fighting for until less than a decade ago. You can't change the past. This wasn't even a political issue until this century.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

chillepeppa wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
No. I don't.

Before he could play him along.

Now that marriage is a real possibility and it has real consequences he doesn't want it.

He wanted his cake and to eat it two. He wanted the best of both worlds without the commitment of marriage.

"Treat me equal! Unless it means I am treated equally..."
All of this is a douche issue, not a gay issue.
This guy is a user. Users comes in all shapes and sizes and orientations...

I didn't say it was. I am saying that kicking and screaming about being treated equally and actually getting those equalities can be two totally different worlds.

Here is a user that was using his boyfriend. Now the boyfriend wants what he thought he had. But the user doesn't want the trappings of marriage. He just wants the benefits.

He got the milk before buying the cow.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

And now the milk is being taken away and he's angry.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Squeakers wrote:
Treat me equal! And until I win equality I will make do with what I have to do! Including affidavits. And when I have equality, I won't just jump into marriage for benefits like so many other people do!

No. But you sure will enjoy benefits that hetero couples DONT get until then.

Hey! It's heteros that need to be screaming treat me equal. Cause they sure are not getting the benefits the gay community is getting.

Equal mean the same and right now, this affidavit thing is not an equal ground.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

chillepeppa wrote:
Sure, but any user would use whatever circumstances to abuse people. This guy isn't a dick because he is gay, he is just a dick. I bet he would have been a dick no matter what his sexual orientation was. Specials treatment or not, to him it was just a tool.

Nobody said that until you did.

But yeah. He is. And he was before by playing house and using his boyfriend to get insurance.

Something a straight couple cant do.

So I guess it does make it a gay issue.

The issue is this, if you want to be treated equal, then why are you taking advantages of something the hetero community can not. That isn't equal.

That is called talking out of both side of your mouth.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

Squeakers wrote:
Lawyerlady wrote:
chillepeppa wrote:
lilyofcourse wrote:
No. I don't.

Before he could play him along.

Now that marriage is a real possibility and it has real consequences he doesn't want it.

He wanted his cake and to eat it two. He wanted the best of both worlds without the commitment of marriage.

"Treat me equal! Unless it means I am treated equally..."
All of this is a douche issue, not a gay issue.
This guy is a user. Users comes in all shapes and sizes and orientations...
Yes, but the point is - if they hadn't had special allowances available, he wouldn't have been able to use him for this.

They wouldn't have HAD special allowances if they had marriage equality.

So it isn't marriage equality we are talking about.

It is individual ability to have something without penalty.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I could not get on DH's insurance without benefit of marriage. We had to actually submit a copy of our marriage license when we got married. It was a nightmare. They scrutinized it very carefully. I also had to provide my birth certificate. And then adding my kids... Even though my kids were legally able to be on his insurance since we were married they asked for THEIR birth certificates, SS cards, AND my divorce decree.

lilyofcourse · My spirit animal is a pink flamingo.

And apparently if you had been gay all you would have had to have was a letter.

You were treated so unfairly. You should sue! Discrimination!

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

I know. I couldn't believe they asked for my divorce decree. Seriously? If I got married then I was obviously single. It had been 17 years. Good thing I had saved a copy.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

So homosexuals in America should just shut up? Maybe find a nice closet to hide in?

flan

Squeakers · Regular

lilyofcourse wrote:
chillepeppa wrote:
Sure, but any user would use whatever circumstances to abuse people. This guy isn't a dick because he is gay, he is just a dick. I bet he would have been a dick no matter what his sexual orientation was. Specials treatment or not, to him it was just a tool.
Nobody said that until you did.
But yeah. He is. And he was before by playing house and using his boyfriend to get insurance.
Something a straight couple cant do.
So I guess it does make it a gay issue.
The issue is this, if you want to be treated equal, then why are you taking advantages of something the hetero community can not. That isn't equal.
That is called talking out of both side of your mouth.

Because the Hetero community was denying them equality so they took what they could get until then..... You are yelling about special privileges, they only "got" them because they were being denied the equality to marry and worked around it. now that they GOT the equality, the "special privlege" is going away and the one guy wants to get married and the other does not.

Squeakers · Regular

Nobody Just Nobody wrote:
I could not get on DH's insurance without benefit of marriage. We had to actually submit a copy of our marriage license when we got married. It was a nightmare. They scrutinized it very carefully. I also had to provide my birth certificate. And then adding my kids... Even though my kids were legally able to be on his insurance since we were married they asked for THEIR birth certificates, SS cards, AND my divorce decree.

The difference is you had the OPTION of being married to get on his insurance. This couple did not have that option.

Vette · Owl drink to that!

I see what you are saying squeakers but I also see what the other side is saying.

I'm being wishy washy today.

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

VetteGirl wrote:
I see what you are saying squeakers but I also see what the other side is saying.

I'm being wishy washy today.

Welllll...snap out of it! LOL

flan

Vette · Owl drink to that!

flan327 wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
I see what you are saying squeakers but I also see what the other side is saying.

I'm being wishy washy today.
Welllll...snap out of it! LOL
flan

Maybe I will and maybe I won't :p

flan327 · Itty bitty's Grammy

VetteGirl wrote:
flan327 wrote:
VetteGirl wrote:
I see what you are saying squeakers but I also see what the other side is saying.

I'm being wishy washy today.
Welllll...snap out of it! LOL
flan
Maybe I will and maybe I won't :p

Brat faced brat!

flan

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Actually this sounds like a very typical situation where two people go into a relationship with different goals. Obviously one partner wanted to get married and provide bennies for his partner and the other partner was either never into the idea of a long term commitment or seriously changed his mind. They got some special privileges because they were gay and now those privileges are running out. I don't think anyone would recommend them getting married if one of the partners aren't ready. However, you have to live with the consequences of your choices. And one of them is losing the benefits if you do not get married. To me it sounds like one partner cares way more about the relationship than the other. What partner number two needs to do is sit partner number one down and say, "Look, I love you very much and I want to get married. I respect the fact that you don't want to get married right now for whatever reason, but given that I now have to take you off my health insurance. To keep you on would be illegal. You need to make some decisions about what you are going to do to get coverage."

It isn't a gay issue in that this guy is definitely a user. Heteros do that too. So that's not the "gay" issue. The "gay" issue is that they were given special rights to insurance that no one else had. This wouldn't have been an issue if the insurance had said no live ins period. And before you start screaming about how they couldn't get married it's obvious that one of them didn't want that. They gamed the system and now it's time to pay the piper.

Squeakers · Regular

You have no idea that at the time they didn't both want that. Sometimes people want things at one point but then later decide they don't.

Nobody Just Nobody · Rib-it! Rrrib-it!

Squeakers wrote:
You have no idea that at the time they didn't both want that. Sometimes people want things at one point but then later decide they don't.

Well, you know what? If he's changed his mind he now has to live with the consequences of that. So no insurance. Too bad. Gay marriage is now legal in their state so it's no different for them than for heterosexual people. Pony up or lose the insurance. Straight people have been dealing with this for decades.

And I could care less whether he marries or doesn't. If he doesn't want to get married that's his right. He just no longer has the right to insurance.